. so had it cut again.I wanted an airing... so one night, I dressed, fairly tamelyreally, black jumper... short black skirt... woolly tights...knee boots, and a long grey trench coat, did my wig and makeupreally well, then stood by the front door... for two hours!!Eventually, at about 11:30pm, I opened the front door... tooktwo steps up the road, and fled straight back as I heard a sirennearby... Jesus!!!! I am SUCH a wuss! I could have cried withfrustration. As I sat by the window... watching. The face staring back at me from the mirror was familiar but she was astranger at the same time and I was scared of her, which meant that I wasscared of myself and of the life I had chosen for myself.What if being a middle aged woman wasn't as fun as being a boy andpretending to be a middle aged woman? It was something Dr. Girardi hadtried to make me think about, but I had callously dismissed her concerns.I moved my hand underneath the nylon apron until it was resting on myvacant groin. It. I knew this wasgoing to be the hardest part, the crucible of your transition. That isone reason I wanted to do it abruptly and quickly, like ripping off aband aid. But having you present will only make it more difficult, noteasier. If I tell the girls about this while we are out of the house,they will time to process it, think about it, and understand. When wereturn, you will be there. Our new maid, ready to serve her family. Itwill finalize the change for them. They will see that you still. But I don’t think I ever did good enough. I don’t like it when you drink so much. I don’t understand what you say, and I always have to clean up your bottles or you get angry again. You always talk about Mommy when you’re on the couch, and I don’t know if you like her or not. Please like Mommy and go back home. Your apartment is dirty and the other people are scary, I don’t want to go there anymore.’ Theodore stopped. Nina had scratched out something. He held the letter closer and deciphered.
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